Where I stand in the dating world
I have always known that there is a dating hierarchy. Very few people will admit it but it's true. Some people are just more datable than others. I discovered way back in middle school that I am not high up on this list but it wasn't until recently that I got a better idea of my exact position.
While I was on the phone with a female friend of mine discussing my plans for the night I mentioned that I was on my way to have dinner with a friend who was having a rough time and needed to talk. She had the twisted idea that I should be trying to make this friend more than a friend (keep in mind that they have NEVER met). This brought about a bigger and (for me) much more depressing conversation about why I am not dating anyone. Just when I thought it could get no worse she dropped this bomb on me.
"There has to be someone out there that would date you, it's not like you're a rapist."
That's right ladies and gentlemen, in the dating food chain, I outrank rapists. Glad to know that I am not at the VERY bottom of the barrel. So even though I lack charm, looks, intelligence and a high paying job I should still be able to find a woman because I am not going to rape them.
Now ladies I know that some men have fragile egos that need to be stroked every now and then. My male ego was destroyed years ago so I don't have this problem. However, if you do meet a man who needs such treatment, here is some advice.
If the best compliment you can come up with is "at least you are not a rapist," just give up. That is not something that you should ever have to compliment a man on. Not being a rapist should not be something that should get you bonus points in the game of dating.
How in the hell am I supposed to use not being a rapist as way to meet women? Do I get a "Not A Rapist" t-shirt? Or maybe I should just work that into the conversation when I meet a woman at the grocery store.
"Hi, I'm just here picking up some items for dinner tonight. You should join me. I am an excellent cook and I'm not a rapist."
I have got to stop talking to women. I don't say this because I don't like them, I say this because more often than not the conversations end up with me getting some kind of backhanded compliment.
They way I figure it, I probably still rate below bank robbers and car thieves because they have money and the whole bad boy thing going for them. On the plus side, I have to be above crack heads and meth addicts because I bathe daily and have all my teeth.
Ladies, the line forms to the left.
Want a hanky? Stop crying and get off your ass!
Ms. RightNow is not gonna come sit on your lap and tell you that you're her boyfriend!
Stop assuming these women will say no, and actually ask them out (and not as a friend either)...you might be surprised at the responses you may get. AND SO WHAT if a few say "No"...those two letters aren't gonna kill you!
Women smell fear, and from this blog, you reek of it! Get some NUTS about you man...and put some of those tips you got to some good use.
...a little tough love from your boy!